From isolation to connection
- hopenetofcarp
- Aug 9
- 3 min read
Updated: Aug 10
By Jena Jenkins.
Editor’s Note: Part 3 of 5. This Viewpoint was submitted by HopetNet of Carpinteria, a local grassroots suicide prevention non-profit, for Mental Health May.
A couple of weeks ago, I was driving with my husband when he very graciously waited for someone to pull out of a driveway and go in front of him. Out of character for him, I said, "What's up with you?" He explained: “It's all about the wave.” At that moment, the driver of the other car gave a big smile and a positive wave. I looked at my husband, he smiled back, and we were on our way.
I think about this a lot. Sometimes, it really is all about the wave — or the smile, the giggle, even the handshake. Because the truth is, we are social creatures. Humans were made to interact. The Smithsonian Museum of Natural History clarifies the importance: “Sharing food, caring for infants, and building social networks helped our ancestors meet the daily challenges of their environments.” We were social to survive, and even though surviving the elements has gotten much easier in many ways, this still holds true. When this connection is taken away, it can be devastating.
Many people, especially our aging population, face isolation and loneliness. According to the Centers for Disease Control, loneliness and social isolation can significantly impact both mental and physical health, increasing the risk of heart disease, stroke, depression, anxiety, cognitive decline — even premature death.
Research shows time and time again how vital connection is. So, why has it become so difficult for so many? For some, it's the obvious things, like health or geography, but for many, it's much more complex.
Resistance is not unique to the aging population; it is a common psychological barrier encountered across all age groups. According to Dr. Joe Nash, several psychological factors contribute to resistance. One factor is denial. Many people choose not to see the needs that are right in front of them. Someone with declining mental or physical health may continually tell themselves and others that they are fine on their own. I know from firsthand experience that sometimes it’s very hard to see the reality of your situation when you're in the middle of it.
A second factor is interpersonal costs. The fear of disapproval or criticism from their peers can be paralyzing for some, preventing them from seeking connection. Past negative experiences with relationships can also lead to skepticism and fear. We’ve all heard the saying, “Once bitten, twice shy.”
And then there’s that nagging fear of the unknown. When we step out of isolation, we no longer have control of our environment. Taking this risk can seem more threatening than beneficial. The longer we embrace this negative internal talk, the harder it becomes to pull ourselves — or others — out.
It is vital that we now start looking at strategies to overcome isolation. Here are some suggestions that might help.
Start small. Begin with low-commitment activities. Try a brief phone call or a short visit. Personal, one-on-one interactions are often less intimidating than group settings.
Highlight the benefits of getting out. Emphasize the positive outcomes of social interaction to yourself or someone else. Recall success stories of others who have successfully re-engaged with their communities.
Create a routine. Routines offer a sense of anticipation and normalcy. Gradual exposure to new events or activities ensures that individuals are not overwhelmed.
By overcoming resistance to change and embracing an empathetic approach to combating loneliness — both for ourselves and others — we can transform isolation into meaningful connection. In a time when many of us may feel increasingly disconnected, simple acts like a wave, a smile, or a handshake can become powerful reminders of our shared humanity.
Jena Jenkins is the city of Carpinteria’s AgeWell coordinator.
